I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
