well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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