We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
