im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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