you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize