Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I lost the right to judge tonight
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
