Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
