so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
