I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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