nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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