Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
