Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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