with your own penis?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
