My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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