He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
