He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
