I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
