don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
