I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
