Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
