I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
