So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
