I puked a lego.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
