Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
