Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Pants are for mortals
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
