I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
