i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize