She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
