1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize