You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
