i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
