i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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