Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
