Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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