My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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