I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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