Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize