i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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