she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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