my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
