two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
