I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
