even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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