I can tuck mytits in my pants
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
