Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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