He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
