turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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