I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize