You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
