I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
