It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
