I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how can u be prego again
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
