The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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