Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
