Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
should my penis look like a turkey
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
