you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
