Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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