just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
