sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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