Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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